Abstract Feeling lost, unworthy, not fittable? No you are not. You are not alone in these. There are so many of us. But we will be fine when we meet the right people in our life.
In a crowd full of all kinds of acquaintance, your favourite foods are serving, all kinds of drinks, conversation on every topic, each and every one occupying a smile. But that feeling of being so small and lonely, well my friend I know how it feels. Many of us experience this at least for once and well some of us for lifetime. How we had wanted to fit-in in that sphere! How hard we had tried to mix in their colour! But I guess all of us have our own unique colour.
In primary school sitting in that middle row at the third bench, I saw some kids talking and eating their lunch. Oh how I used to admire that curly brunette and her dear friend! I too wanted that friendship but I was also happy being in isolated crowd.
With every get together, the feeling of being left out comes as a free gift. And no matter how much we have moved on in life, it always ends up trying to fit in again. Deep down our heart we know we are going back to square one by doing this yet we want to do it. Unknowingly we would already be searching for ways to mingle with them.
If you have read this far, then probably you would be thinking what on earth I am trying to show by telling you all of this. Well it’s nothing but a part of everything for some people’s life. Please lend me your mind reading this poem –
"Why do you always love to be left alone?"
I ask myself.
And I don't get the answer.
Even in crowded places, <
Loneliness is my love.
Even in happy moments,
Emptiness is my love.
Even with all my loved one,
Ignorance is my love.
Will I find an answer to my question?
Will someone give an answer to my question?
Will someone tell me
Whether it is good or bad
To be a lover of loneliness?
I don't get the answer
And I am still searching for it.
To all those childhood that we felt we are not good enough to be a friend. To those moment we force ourself to be someone whom we are not. To those times we search for ways to make other see us. We have come very far yet we haven’t even moved an inch. It can’t be change in a blink with a person saying some string of motivating words. But we will be fine. Also until now we too have met people who notice us without an effort, who accept us for who we are, who understand how we feel lonely in crowd, who understands us without the need of saying, who respects our anti-social phase. Well well let’s not stretch on things. I hope the next time you feel lonely in another crowd and it becomes overwhelming then you will be using an earphone and blasting some music.
P.S. I wish we all could exchange some playlist for this.